How to get started when you really don’t know where you are going (and you are really comfortable on your couch)

Writing this blog was a struggle. Trying to stay engaged and find ways to help get through this whole unreal experience requires me to push through resistance. It creates a strange mix of feelings that go the full range from grief to hope, fear to standing strong. So much uncertainty lies ahead, not just in my life, but also in the world. Conflicting information and inconsistency in the messages are frustrating. The difference between currently known fact and wishful thinking make moving forward more difficult.

I do not think I am the only one feeling this way. This is not the first time I have moved through an uncharted path before, but my life is in a different place now. When I chose to move away from my home state, become a nurse, get married, have children and then become a yoga teacher it was my choice. In this situation the goal at the end is unclear. What we are being asked to do is to stay where we are and wait.

In the 80s, I was an ICU nurse during the early day of AIDS. The impact of this pandemic on the medical system is very real for me because I have some idea of what is happening. This time is so much worse for the healthcare system. I have signed up for the Medical Reserve Corps in Virginia and am waiting to see when and if they will need me.

Back in March and early April I was taking in all kinds of information- courses, webinars, virtual gatherings helped. Then, of course, news. At this point I am almost overwhelmed with all that is out there. I took a break this weekend, and found myself finishing up tasks, cleaning, and watching movies. I even made some masks. We take walks and work on the yard. This is diverting but now I am afraid I am getting a little too comfortable. I have time to just sit on my couch binge watching once in a while. How will I move forward? There is almost too much time to think about it.

So here I am, writing this blog and wondering, what kinds of things are you all feeling. What are you doing? How do you see moving forward from here?