Stress Management Practices, Part 3: Collaboration

Building on the skills you already have tried can be some of the most difficult stresses to deal with. Stressful situations take on a whole new dimension when you add in another or more people. A stop light is a stop light that remains the same. When you deal with other people it brings in many things that you do not have control over. Even more challenging is that people do not react the same way each time you deal with them. Situations can change in unexpected ways. This stress will not let up unless you do something about it.

So you are working with a person who, maybe, is not your first choice. There are often different ideas on how a project should be done. Especially if this is a project you are very interested or invested in. The impact can decrease if you look at the bigger picture, the big WHY, and keep your goal in mind. It may not be your way, it may not be perfect, but the job can still get done. Your completion of the project and accomplishing your goal are the real issues.

Adjust your expectations so that you do not set yourself up for failure. Use the deep breaths that helped with your commute. Realize the reality of your situation and try not to have any preconceived ideas of how things may play out. You may be pleasantly surprised, or maybe not. However, if you keep an open mind, you may not be disappointed. Seeing yourself as a victim does not help. Asking “why me” does not solve the problem and only increases a negative mindset.

Keep an open mind and consider all the options, even the ones from other people. Set smaller goals and each time you reach one of these goals congratulate yourself. Make sure you give yourself breaks to decompress. Return to the project or person with a fresh perspective.

Sometimes, the person you are working with is the challenge. Acknowledge that this particular task or person is more difficult for you. Be realistic with your expectations. See if there is some common ground that you can use as a starting point to collaborate. If the coworker has a strength that can benefit what you are trying to do acknowledge this. They can do parts of the project where they can best use their skills. Set smaller goals and each time you reach one of these goals congratulate yourself. Make sure you give yourself breaks so that you can keep a fresh perspective.

There are a lot of variables when working with people. Each situation will be different. Someone else may be in charge. That is why it is important to fine tune and try out stress reducing practices before you really need them. You will need all of the skills you have developed as the situation becomes more complex. Stresses may be coming from more than one source. You build your stress tolerance in this way. Know what you can control and make adjustments. Know what you cannot control and use your coping skills accordingly.

I bring this up now in relation to the holidays coming. As much as we may love our family, we can face challenges in these relationships. You may be carrying a lot of baggage from the past and these people know your triggers. What used to be funny can become a real irritation as you get older. Hopefully you have built up your stress tolerance a little bit. Just as you would deal with a coworker, keep in mind what you know. Be aware of when and where your relationship with this person is challenging. Make an effort not to be drawn in. Not giving them the reaction is much better for you and will keep the conflict from escalating. Move on and treat them with respect and patience.

How do you handle working in a group?